Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
