haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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