i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
