just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
