just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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