best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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