Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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