What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
