I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
worst night to have a conscience
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
