he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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