i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
