i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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