# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You have to summon your inner elephant
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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