I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
