dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
