I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
