Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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