yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
