Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
