he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
