I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
