Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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