Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if only i could text you this smell
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
