My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
