I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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