I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
