i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
