oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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