I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
