Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have fence marks all over my body
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
