she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Blood and glitter go together right?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
