I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
