When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
