i just google imaged poop.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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