I hate all girls vehemently.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
