just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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