I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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