Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
