I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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