I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
