Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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