I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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