another moral hangover. fuck.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
