I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
