Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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