forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
