the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
