In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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