Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I believe in your delicious
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
