Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
