I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
